Welcome to Orlando, Home of the Fanny Pack

Maureen is running late, so I'm at the airport, awaiting her arrival. A few observations:

1) I think over 50% of the world's child population is at this airport. There are happy kids, screaming kids, kids streaking across the airport...

2) These parents look like they need a nap or a Xanax.

3) Asian tourists will take their picture with ANYTHING. Not being mean or racist, but while the German tour group is taking pictures by the gate, plane in the background, the Asian tourists are taking pictures in front of the Disney Store, in the food court, and in front of the arrivals/departure screens.

4) Power outlets are very well-hidden in this airport. I found one behind a potted plant, attached to a random pillar. When I left the outlet, there was a race to take my spot.

5) You can't fit into a bathroom stall with luggage. Maybe someone who is a size 2 can manage, but the average woman would find it near impossible.

6) Fanny packs are everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Leave them at the parks, people!

Off to Orlando!

I'm taking a road trip with Maureen! She's moving some stuff and her dog, Cooper, back to Sterling Heights while she studies in France for a semester. Lucky. So I'm off to meet Maureen in Orlando, where we will play in the sun for 2 days then drive back to Michigan. We're taking our time driving back and stopping to see some fun and off-the-wall sites. Of course, I hurt myself prior to the trip. On Saturday, I went for a great run. 3.5 miles! My left foot hurt a bit later that day, worse on Sunday, and couldn't bear any weight on Monday. I went to urgent care, where it was discovered that I have a stress fracture on the side of my foot. I was put in a walking boot for 3-4 weeks, and no running for just as long. The foot has to be elevated, iced, all that fun stuff. At least I have pain pills, right? So far, the traveling is going alright. I took the Michigan Flyer for the first time to get from East Landing to Detroit. For $30, I was bussed in a deluxe coach with power outlets, free wi-to and surprisingly comfy seats to nap in. I don't know why I haven't taken this sooner; it was awesome! The Flyer dropped me off right in front of the North Terminal where I went through security. When I travel, I bring along th C-PAP machine to sleep. Since its a medical device, I don't check it and, thankfully, it doesn't count towards a "carry on" either. I had to dismantle the machine (not hard), had it tested, then the boot was noticed. I was offered a wheelchair to my gate- which was 2 gates over from Security. No thanks. I boarded the plane early though, so I could take my time hobbling down the aisle. I got booted from my pre-purchased aisle seat because of the boot. Apparently you have to be boot-free to be in the exit row. I was seated next to a VERY talkative lady who wouldn't stop talking about all of the travel vouchers she received from Spirit Air. While nice for her, I didn't care- I was up since 4am and I was tired. The flight crew was great and the male attendant, John, was funny as hell. He made all of the kids feel special on the flight, had me laughing for most of the trip, and was just pleasant. And, he got me a refund for my pre-purchased seat! Woo! Almost time to fly off...! Fr

Day 8 and 9- last day at sea and another 6-hour drive

Our last day of the voyage was at sea. Maureen made one simple request- that we would not set an alarm clock nor have room service bring us coffee in the morning. We were to wake up naturally and sleep in as long as we wanted. Seeing that I was sunburned and that we had nothing to do until Italian trivia at 1pm, I was totally game. Little bit of aloe, little bit of Motrin, and BAM. Out like a light... for 10 hours.

After we finally woke up after 10:30, we took our time getting up and moving then headed to brunch, then to the Solarium to "read." I use that term loosely, because Maureen got on her computer and I fell asleep in the lounge chair after making it through 1 sudoku puzzle. ONE. That's an all-time low for me.

We went to Italian Knowledge trivia-- and WON! There was a woman who asked to join our team, and the 3 of us dominated- only thing that tripped us up are the names of The Godfather's children and who killed Julius Ceaser (which 2 people). Otherwise, we rocked that trivia and won-- coffee mugs. OOOH. We decided to do the 5pm "Farewell Trivia" later on that day, and invited this woman to join us as well. She is a law professor at Georgia University and her daughter plans on going to University of Michigan in the fall- I said to the woman, "I'm sorry." and she looked absolutely stunned at my response. I explained I'm a Spartan, and she said she went to Illinois- I don't understand how you let your child go to Ann Arbor willingly if you're alum of any other Big Ten school.

There were snacks in the Windjammer, more reading/napping, a visit to the gym, then some 5pm trivia. Saying that we got our asses kicked doesn't even cover it. We got 9 out of 20 right. That's horrible. At least most of the other teams did just as badly, but we didn't win. Oh well, the prizes were highlighters and pens. Who needs that crap when you can just steal it off of the housekeeping cart?

We had our final dinner with the group, complete with NY Strip Steak, desserts, and red wine. I'm going to miss having such interesting dining companions every night- I love my friends, I love going to dinner with my friends, but there's something exhilarating about talking to new people and getting to learn something different.

Luggage was packed up and put outside of the door at 11pm. We sadly went to bed, and the sadness turned to flat-out laughter. There's a promo for Style Network that Royal Caribbean TV was showing the entire trip which has Thom from "Dress My Nest" going in to fix a family room. The room has 2 children "caged" into a playpen area, and the mom tells Thom, "this is the kid's cage. We call it the cage." Thom yells to the camera, "WHO PUTS THEIR CHILDREN IN A CAGE?!" We couldn't get enough of it. And then, the promo shows monkeys. Freaking monkeys. We were dying and kept waiting for more commercial breaks. We finally passed out giggling.
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The final morning- it was pretty uneventful for most of the morning. We just ate, showered, and waited for our number to be called to leave the ship. We made it through customs without incident and found my grandparents for our ride back to Maureen's car.

Papa: "Shit. I made a mistake and left grandma's walker in the trunk." Grandma: "You're allowed to make a mistake, Al." Papa: "I made two- I brought you AND left the walker in the car! HA!" Maureen and I just laughed, Papa shut the trunk on Maureen's head twice, and grandma smiled and held onto a bag as we drove the Cadillac back to Leisureville, bungee cord and all. I love my grandparents. I wish they'd move back to MI full time, but that's a different story...

Maureen and I left Pompano Beach and met up with Maureen's parents for a nice lunch. Maureen hadn't seen them since Christmas, and her parents are set to go on a cruise of their own the next day out of Ft. Lauderdale. It all worked out.

The trip to Jacksonville was supposed to take about 5 hours. With a few SHORT stops, a lot of rain, and viewing  3 car accidents along the way (one involving a semi that spun out from the other side of the road into the guardrail and into oncoming traffic), it took closer to 7 hours. Ugh. All we did when we got back to the hotel was eat pizza, shower, get some free wi-fi and figure out how to pack my bags without overstuffing my large bag. I was already over a few pounds, and with my new alcohol purchases, I had to rearrange a few things to meet the maximum weight.I don't care if I have to leave half of my clothing behind, my alcohol WILL make it home, dammit.

I'm going to miss seeing Maureen every day. Sure, we had our moments, but this trip was amazing. Being able to spend 9 uninterrupted days with my best friend was even better. I can't wait until she's asked to do another trip and she asks me to be her 2nd in command again :-)

Guest post by Professor Maureen MacLeon (or MacLeod, for those who are technical)

So the cruise is coming to an end. I know Liz has been keeping everyone updated on our cruisin’ status but I thought I should have the opportunity to put in my two cents! 

This is the longest Liz and I have spent together in nearly 4 years, between living in France and Florida, Liz and I have maintained our “best friend” status through emails, texting, and lengthy phone calls. So this was a good test of not only our friendship but Liz’s ultimate survival skills. Ultimately, we have succeeded and our friendship, strong before is probably even better. I think we may need to start a yearly cruising ritual. That is not to say that we did not get on each other’s nerves, which indeed we did, but it all was rather trivial so if you are looking for a vacationing companion, I give Liz my an “A.” And she will tell you that I am rather critical of my travel companions. 

As I know Liz has mentioned, I gave lectures on this cruise. Destination lectures on the four places we traveled all based in history. The lectures went very well, Liz was my second in command and came in to save me numerous time, like when I forgot the first page of my lecture notes in the room she ran back upstairs and got them for me. Big save! My worst fears about being a lecturer was that I would have someone who wanted to talk to me all the time about history. A lecture stalker. This did not happen, which was great, I think it is largely because I was so much younger than my audience that they kind of realized that this was a vacation for me too, but I did get great questions and reviews so it was a major plus. 

The destinations were great, we did not have enough time in Puerto Rico, which was unfortunate because there was so much to see. Liz got to meet a friend of my from Tallahassee, DJ, who as Liz mentioned is a neurotic freak (right Donna?). I warned her about him as best I could but in reality you just have to meet him. Granted I know he is strange but we are still really good friends, he is like a cyst that keeps growing on you and eventually no matter how many times you try to remove it, it just stays there. Don’t get me wrong, he knows all of this too, one of those people who is totally aware that he is an oddball. 

Haiti was interesting, difficult for me because the Haiti we saw was not the Haiti I know. As a French historian, I know Haiti is a place fraught with turmoil, disease, political corruption, and poverty. The Haiti we saw was owned by Royal Caribbean and a beautiful resort, or as Liz called it Faiti. We went to the artisan market where we tried to barter with “local” Royal Caribbean approved artisans. I realized midway through that it was going to be necessary to speak in French to get the best deal and if I could through in some Creole that would be good. So we got some sweet deals and I got some good descriptions of the things we bought that they could not explain in English. Woohoo French language skills! 

So as Liz mentioned, I insisted we switched dinner tables to have better companions. Indeed we found them. I like to think we made our “new” table awesome. The young hip kids, that get everyone going. There are two couples from Montreal and another couple from Indianapolis. We shut down the dining room every evening. The original couple we met from Montreal is awesome, and the husband, Adrian makes me laugh hysterically with his light French Canadian accent and his desire to eat Filet Mignon and French fries every evening. The other couple from Montreal are the definition of douchebags, he knows everything and she doesn’t have an opinion about anything. The last couple is sweet and friendly. The husband is hilarious and was rip roaring drunk last night. Overall, major plus to switching tables.

Alright, my guest performance is complete. This was a great trip with Liz, and she will be sure to fill you in on everything else. We get back to Ft. Lauderdale tomorrow, where her grandparents will pick us up, I love her grandparents and if we indeed survive the drive back to Leisureville, we will be meeting up with my parents who are leaving for a cruise Monday out of Ft. Lauderdale. I am totally stoked to see them. Lastly, we will be driving back to Jacksonville tomorrow and staying overnight there until Liz flies out on Monday morning. I must say that we did not need any of her lame road trip games, we had the awesome conversations covered and entertained ourselves with some Livin’ la vida Loca!

Faiti (Fake Haiti)

Today was just a beach day. Labadee is a strip of land that is leased by Royal Caribbean for a “tropical paradise”- it’s nothing like the Haiti we hear about on CNN. There were clear waters, beach chairs, zip lines, bars everywhere… it was gorgeous. And HOT. I wore 70 SPF on most of my body and a floppy beach hat, and I’m currently slathered in aloe trying to soothe my heat rash. 

All we did was browse the local artisan market, have a BBQ lunch, go into the Caribbean, and read in our chairs for a few hours. In addition to the heat rash, I whacked my toe- HARD- into a rock in the water. The damn rock tore a chunk of my toenail off, and it’s throbbing. 

To make it better, Maureen and I are ordering (free) room service and just relaxing indoors until dinner. The crew is throwing some kind of “circus” from 5:30-7 tonight on the main Promenade, which we figure we’ll go and explore. We may go and lay upstairs in the solarium, relaxing in the (shaded) weather as we cruise back home. One more day at sea, then we’re back in Ft. Lauderdale.

UPDATE:  At dinner tonight, one of the couples we sit with was loaded. The wife wasn’t too bad, but the husband was 2 margarita’s in and was a riot. At one point, he commanded the attention of the table and announced, “Do you know what makes me happy? Midgets. You can’t look at one and not smile!” Maureen literally choked on her Diet Coke, and I had to turn my head away as I was laughing so hard. Who says that?! And the husband in the older couple we sat with was pretty toasted too and didn’t totally understand why we were talking about midgets and kept asking about therapy pets- there’s a woman on the boat who has a little yappy dog with her. She pushes the dog around in a stroller and lets it eat off of the plates in the dining room (which led to an angry guest complaining). I commented at dinner that it was likely a therapy/companion animal, as I would not know why else the dog was let on the ship. But man, between talking about the dog and midgets, I don’t know how tonight’s dinner will top it.

Forting Puerto Rico

Happy birthday, Maureen!

Today, Professor MacLeon (haha) is a whopping 29 years old. What better way to celebrate than spending your birthday in a foreign port, drinking pina coladas and spending time with TWO of your best friends?

Maureen’s friend, DJ, was vacationing in Puerto Rico while we stopped there for a few hours today. We were only docked from 7am-1:30pm, which is our shortest port stop on the entire trip. DJ’s an interesting character, one that you need an acquired taste to appreciate. Maureen told me before meeting him, “I know you won’t like him. I didn’t like him at first, and it took me awhile to like him. He’s neurotic, but he’s a good guy.” Even knowing this, I was stunned at the guy. But anyway… before we met up with DJ, Maureen and I got to wander around Old San Juan and check out the wall encompassing the city. The old buildings were mainly restored, the cobblestone roads were rough, and holy hills, Batman. My legs HURT after walking around (plus, we clocked in at over 10 miles of walking that day). We stopped at a little townie restaurant for Puerto Rician coffee (which is stronger and a better blend than most US blends) and fresh pastries. After figuring out how to order the pastries (at the counter, not with the waiter) and if we needed to tip (yes), we left to meet up with DJ.

We met DJ at one of Puerto Rico’s forts to go “forting”- a new verb that DJ’s fiancée coined earlier that week. We wandered around, overlooking the Caribbean, playing in dark tunnels leading to dungeons and had an all-around good time.

After the fort, DJ dragged us across town to the bar that allegedly created the pina colada called NAME. We learned that 1) Bacardi rum, while made in Puerto Rico, is crap rum and is used to “mop the floors” around town, 2) Pina colada’s should not have ice added to the mix, and 3) the rum is added first, then the mix- and you MUST stir before drinking or you will fall off of your barstool. We each had 2 drinks and set off to find souvenirs for the trip home. We picked up a few post cards, walked through an artist’s market, and headed back to the ship.

Once on board, Maureen had to prep for her final speech on the ship. I got to swim and lie out in the sun a little more, read some trashy novels and just enjoy some quiet time. I met Maureen at her speech on the Hatian revolution, and we relaxed some more on the pool deck after the speech.

The waves were *rocking* hard on our way out of Puerto Rico’s port. The staff on the ship said that this particular channel (Puerto Rico to Haiti) is always rough, but this was rougher than usual. It was so rough, in fact, that the main pool had to be shut down, as 3 feet of water swooshed out of the pool (there was only 2 feet of water left in the pool before they closed it). I got into the solarium pool and was promptly taken from one end of the pool to the other. I ran into walls. Dancing that night on the ship was extremely tough. Drinks were sloshing around a bit- we felt everything move.

We went to The Quest, an on-board game show being held after dinner. It was hysterical- each team (audience split up) had 4 captains, and the captains had to collect “stuff” from the team members to win points. Such as… bring 4 bras clasped together to the stage. Bring a set of fake teeth up. A man in a woman’s shirt had to go up front. It was a riot.

After the game show, we went dancing for a bit. Originally, there was supposed to be a “White Night” party in the Solarium, but it was relocated to the lower dance floor due to the weather and boat-rocking. We went for a bit, did The Wobble, and had a good time.  

Fanny packs: minimal. 7 was the official count. Sad- they must not be popular in Puerto Rico.

Day 5- St. Kitts

Greetings from warm St. Kitts! Today was the day for our sole excursion on the trip, a 4-5 hour hike through the rain forest. We woke up extra excited (and extra tired for me, since I accidentally slept for 90 minutes after yesterday's walking) and extra early. We headed off the boat and Maureen was accosted by a 6' (fake) parakeet looking thing. Apparently Royal Caribbean thinks that guests would like to get their pictures taken with a big fake human-mascot bird that has nothing to do with the island. And, they had a "Jamacian" stand where you could get your picture taken too. I don't get it- do people at Royal Caribbean know that we're not going to Jamacia? Should I start steering the ship?

Maureen escaped the bird and we got into line for our excursion- where I immediately started counting fanny packs again.

"1...2....3-4-5... holy crap, that's a double decker one!"

We got onto a bus with our tour guide, who took us to the rain forest and botanical gardens. On the drive, the tour guide stopped and let a guy with a monkey onto the van. A. Monkey. Guess who got to hold said monkey?? YESSSSS.

The drive continued and we made it to the botanical gardens and met with the rest of our group under a 400-year old Selmon (pronounced "salmon" like the fish) tree. We walked through the rain forest, learning about natural remedies such as teas that cured everything from neck pain to teething children. We also got to walk *across* the natural spring water multiple times to get to the other side of the forest. My favorite part was the ficus tree. This huge, "Communication Tree" was almost hollowed out and curled around most of the river. You could stand inside of the tree (well, kind of - the tree was more wrapped around you) and see everything.

The trip ended with a "small snack" of ginger beer spiked with the island's local CLR rum, some fresh coconut, and some fresh raisin and coconut bread. Then, the rain hit. We were stormed on pretty hard for the next 10 minutes- thankfully the storm didn't hit while we were walking through the forest- it would have made the rocks that much more slippery!

"Is that ANOTHER fanny pack?? And he's wearing a UM hat? Ohh, poor guy must've dressed himself in the dark."

We returned to the ship for lunch and dry clothes, then went back onto the island to enjoy a drink at a local bar- with free Wi-Fi :-)

Current fanny pack count- 15-- and we're only at 3:30 (local time)....

Oh, and I started counting our steps for each day, just to see how many we've taken. Today we're already at 8760. About 2000 = 1 mile, so we're doing pretty well. Guess that means that I can have an extra dessert tonight...!

Sint Maarten

FINALLY, we’re off the ship for a few! I thought the wobbling would stop, but I found that I was still walking crooked on land. Maybe it’s just my poor balance. 

Our ship docked in Phillipsberg, St. Maarten which is known for its shopping and jewelry. There was a LOT of walking and a little bit of shopping. Maureen bought a beautiful necklace and I purchased my Guavaberry Rum and Guavaberry Liquor. It’s extremely good- very smooth, flavorful... I hope I don’t drink through it too quickly, since it can’t be purchased in the States.

After a few hours, we hailed a cab and took a ride to Margot, the capital of the French side of the island. The drive was a smart move- we got to see a good portion of the hilly coast and white sandy beaches as we drove. I was surprised when we passed a KFC and about 4 different Subway Sandwich Shops. Then, there was a Sherman William’s store in the middle of this dilapidated area, along with an ACE Hardware. Our cab companion said, “all you need here is a Walmart” – when our taxi driver promptly replied that one should be on the island in the near future. It’s sad to see the commercialism spread to such a beautiful island, but if it’s what the people want…

We had lunch at a French Creole/Caribbean outdoor restaurant that had seating for maybe 15 people, most of them locals. The food, after a 45 minute wait, was great. I had curry chicken with rice, potato salad (with peas and carrots), plantains (HOLY CRAP these were addicting), and a salad. I was stuffed, and the food was dirt cheap, too. 

We wandered around the outdoor market area, playing with little gemstone turtles and turning over wooden masks, but neither of us bought anything there. It was too touristy, nothing was jumping out at us to buy. We took the cab back to Phillipsberg to begin our return to the ship. 

I told Maureen that I couldn’t leave the island without at least wading into the Caribbean Sea. We walked down to the beach in our bare feet and walked along one of the bays on the way back to the ship. It was so warm and blue… I didn’t want to get out of the water. Maureen pointed out that we would be spending an entire day at the beach and in the Caribbean while in Haiti, so I reluctantly got out of the water and took the 10 minute walk back to the ship.

My alcohol was left with the ship’s porters, since we can’t bring our own alcohol onboard. I better get it back…

Today's Fanny Pack count: 13. A new record!

And, we have a trivia question for the day-- if you had to wear either feathers in your hair or a fanny pack everyday for the rest of your life, what would you choose?? Because both are pretty freaking prevalent on the boat.. just not worn at the same time.

Day 3- At Sea (again!)

Maureen was set to present again this morning, this time on Puerto Rico. I helped with the lecture by gathering information on Puerto Rician music and instruments last week, so part of the lecture was old hat by the time she got around to it. She talked a little Ricky Martin, some Puerto Rician art and literature, and BAM! Another successful lecture complete. 

After the lecture, we went back up to the room- where we ended up taking a 1.5 hour nap. Oops. It was a long couple of days!

At 1:30, there was an “International Belly Flop Contest”, which neither of us participated in (come on now), we were laying in the sun, slowly frying, and then found a seat in the Solarium- an adults-only section of the pool which is also part shielded from the wind. Royal Caribbean must have forgotten to explain to us that “Adults Only” was 50 years old and up. It was ridiculous and damn near impossible to find chairs. But Maureen finally did, marking them with her flip flops. WIN. 

 We wanted to try Bingo since it seems like everyone on the ship play. I don’t know how, since it’s a minimum of $33 to play. No way- my money can be better spent elsewhere- like on alcohol or cheesy hats.

For dinner, we moved tables to more a social setting. We sat with a lovely couple from Montreal where we talked about dogs, hockey (and how Montreal has been biting it hard in the NHL), and about our professions. They seemed really intrigued about Maureen’s job and her travels, and kept asking me about what I do. The more the gentleman drank, the thicker his Canadian accent got. It was cute. 

After dinner, we went downstairs to watch a cruise-sponsored dance contest called “Dance it if you know it.” I had a drink and still wasn’t dancing, which was fine with Maureen. I *did* get up for one, but sat down after about 15 seconds. When that contest ended and karaoke began, we headed to the dance club, The Dungeon, to get our dance on. After a tequila shot and a few other miscellaneous drinks, I was brave enough to hit the dance floor and dance. There was a group of  gay men who were at the club, and they were a riot to dance around with. We danced until 1am when my legs were going to fall off. 

Fanny Packs: 11. Again, ON A BOAT.